piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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