i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
