Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
