he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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