im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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