so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Randomize
