Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
