On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize