im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
