is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
