Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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