9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
