i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
