can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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