I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
