Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
