I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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