I'm so fucking centered right now
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize