Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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