How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
