Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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