dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it's like iHOP with fire
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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