Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
