My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
