Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
