two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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