After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
