i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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