dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
