If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
