one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
