So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize