we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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