You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
