Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
