I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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