just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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