I wish life had little blips of pornography
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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