I just cut my nipple shaving
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
