I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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