I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize