looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
