Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
