from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
