nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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