lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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