I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
