Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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