If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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