are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well you can't waste a boner
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
