ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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