i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
