I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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