Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
