i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
