I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
