Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My liver just had a heart attack.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
