My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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