saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think your dad took our porno
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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