This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
