so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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