...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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