Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
