i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
