Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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