If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
