Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
