you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he quoted the bible to break up with me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
