I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
