i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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