I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
