If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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