my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found puke in my bra..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
