You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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