I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
