I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
