The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
