he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
