I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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