I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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