great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
