after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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