youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
