The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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